A Lesson in Brutal Honesty From the World of MMA

Another one for the “tough love” category for sure.  The above video is a sensationalized edited* version of a conversation that took place at Joe Rogan’s studio for  The Fighter and the Kid podcast.  In essence it is Joe telling his friend Brendan Schaub, a mixed martial artist in the UFC heavy-weight division, that he does not think he should keep fighting.  He tells him he is not good enough to become a champion and the risk is no longer worth it.  This was recorded two days after Brendan’s loss to Travis Browne at UFC 181.  The reason I re-post it here is not really to speak to the point of whether or not Joe’s specific points are correct but because it is an example of someone speaking a hard message to a friend out of love.  A lot of people criticize not that Joe spoke his heart so to speak, but that he did it in a public setting.  In a follow-up recording about how he felt about delivering such a message to his friend, Joe Rogan actually said he would probably agree.   (Joe Rogan explains Brendan Schaub comments)  Brendan also talks in a follow-up recording about what was going on with him while this was happening and immediately following.  (Brendan Schaub responds to Joe Rogan) He deserves respect for listening to what Rogan had to say whether he takes the advise or not.  Since this was streamed live as it was being recorded he was receiving advise via texts from friends and family to not take it and to leave.  It shows a great deal of emotional intelligence for him to be willing to sit through what would feel like a brutal beating of a different kind. 
I believe we all need friends willing to do this but we most often avoid it.  What experiences have you had in either receiving or giving a brutally honest message to someone you love?
*Click here for the Full Version of the Podcast

“IT’S NO BIG DEAL!” (How to Comfort Part 3)

A Christian college student meets a fellow student that is obviously in some sort of distress and wanting to talk about it.  In the course of being willing to lend an ear and provide comfort, she discovers the reason this girl is upset is because her boyfriend is, as she says, “being a jerk to me, just because I had a one night stand”.  Obviously not everyone agrees that a one night stand is “no big deal” as is implicit by such a protestation.  In trying to care, the Christian was put in the awkward situation of trying to comfort someone she disagrees with.  In order to comfort, if she says nothing about her own views of one night stands, she is automatically forced into a situation of having to agree with her.  If she states her own belief she runs the risk of being thought judgmental.  She could be very judgmental but disagreement does not prove this is the case.  The anguish this young woman was feeling was real regardless of whether or not she deserved the anguish because she brought it on her self.  How do you help someone in such a situation?  Of course there is not a simple answer for every case but I suggested perhaps it might be tactful to simply ask for permission to speak ones own mind.  If permission was granted she could say, “I believe your boyfriend has every right to be upset.  A one night stand with someone else clearly was a serious breach in your relationship.  Of course I am a Christian so I believe sex is part of a sacred union to be enjoyed within marriage.  Now is an excellent time to repent.”  Comforting?  Loving?  Offensive?  Is this the only way to go about it?  She could possibly ask penetrating questions, “Why do you believe a one night stand is no big deal?”  “Why shouldn’t your boyfriend be upset?”  “How do you feel when someone betrays your trust?”

In the course of trying to comfort someone, have you ever been put in the position of being expected to agree with something you fundamentally disagree with?  How did you handle it?  How should you have handled it (if you wish you handled it differently)?

HOW TO COMFORT?

This topic has been somewhat on the back burner. When I started, Offend Me With Your Love, I was thinking about what it means to show love. Undoubtedly, I had in mind the ridiculous politically correct nonsense about everyone having a right not to be offended. Clearly, the goal is not to be offensive for the sake of being offensive. The goal is in some sense to take back what it really means to love from the narrow explanations. Of course, the inverse is true as well. What really constitutes hate? Both these terms either are applied too loosely or are too narrowly defined. The false, logically inconsistent, message says, “If it agrees with me or sounds nice it is love, if it disagrees with me or sounds harsh it is hate.”
Of course, Offend Me With Your Love came out of a much more personal place as well. I was going through the darkest time of my life and realized nobody loved me, at least not in a way I could really understand. I had an overwhelming desire to cut everyone out of my life and literally disappear myself permanently. The very few people in my life that cared about me would not say anything because they were afraid of offending me. This only reinforced the belief and the message, “go quietly; nobody cares.”
Who am I to say if they did the right thing or not? I am still here. I doubt ignoring a problem in the hopes that it goes away is a good general rule to live by. It may absolutely be the right answer to say nothing at times. I know I am a sinner and especially need tough love sometimes, although that is obviously not the answer in every situation either.  Paul writes,

“Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God” (2 Corinthians 1:3-4, KJV).

The word Trouble is θλῖψις (Transliteration: thlipsis) from <G2346> (thlibo); pressure (literal or figurative) :- afflicted (-tion), anguish, burdened, persecution, tribulation, trouble.¹
There is So Much Trouble in the World. It would be great to know how to give comfort. Yet we have to be honest with ourselves as believers in Y’shua *(JESUS). When non-believers look at the church and its message, they are confused. We meddle in the affairs of others outside the church without really setting our own household in order. Obviously, we should start at the household of God. How are we to comfort each other?
In upcoming posts, I will talk about some specific situations and questions I have come to in my everyday life and through reading other’s blogs. In the meantime, check out the very interesting site Net-burst.Net [current] [Archive] for many articles of encouragement on a wide range of topics.

1 James Strong, Strong's Talking Greek & Hebrew Dictionary, (Austin, TX: WORDsearch Corp., 2007), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, Under: "2347".

HE was Speaking to ME about My Ways

YADAH247 3 weeks ago
My opinion;the title of the video is intended for shock value which would entice some to listen. A common tactic employed on YouTube. It doesn't really do the testimonial justice nor really get to the "heart" of the message. I think the ensuing doctrinal debate in these comments also misses the point. Also I can't help but feel the sensationalism, the music, etc. on cue at the end [1:35:40] is exactly the kind of thing he talks about when he speaks of human effort and human ways. -1:22:50-1:28:15
Journal Entry 3-13-2012
I wish to reckon things as the Lord would reckon. Not be tied to the evil reckonings that oppose the Lord. I want to not show what I know about secondary things but clearly and boldly stand on solid ground of primary things. Not despise being thought simple, not despise being thought naïve as the world reckons naivety. Not self righteous; not despise words or definitions or fear being defined or falsely judged. But being true, having integrity and a pure conscience before God and man. Consumed of the Lord and sure of where I stand in relation to Him that matters. Being confident in who he wants me to be and sure of how he sees me. Quick to repent and not destroyed by fears or insecurities.

Someone helped ME

   When I look at myself lately, I remember this scene from the movie The Basketball Diaries and I imagine this is what I look like.  (on the inside at least)  In the scene, Jim Carroll (played by Leonardo DiCaprio) is experiencing opiate withdrawal.  There are chills, cramps, and all sorts of snot and tears.  It is rather despicable.  He is "helped" through the process by his friend Reggie (played by Ernie Hudson.)  Reggie basically sits by his side and prevents him from leaving to die in his old habit. It raises two questions in me; "Where does one find a friend like Reggie?" Secondly, "How does one become a person like Reggie?"

I have never been addicted to heroin but there are plenty of aspects of “self” that have not gone to the cross easily.  Every time I begin the process that is necessary to be liberated I am quite certain this is what I look like.  And who can bear it?  The common American style “church” from what I’ve seen, doesn’t seem to be structured in such a way to endure such madness.  I haven’t much relied on the Spirit but I have relied on the flesh that I am suppose to mortify.  (Romans 8:13)  This mortifying process Paul talks about (Colossians 3:5-25), “putting off the old man” and putting on the “new man” isn’t necessarily pretty.  There are certain things that are required of us to see to it that we stick through until we come out clean.  We need to go through genuine repentance and be in true community.  There is a certain “forbearance” necessary that won’t let each other get by on a “little taste” but yet will stick by when it gets really rough and downright nasty.

This brings me to my next point.  I am currently reading the book The Game Plan: The Men's 30-Day Strategy for Attaining Sexual Integrity.  It is not a bad book so far. (I am only on day 15)  On day nine it talks about setting up an “accountability structure”.  Obviously the principle is clear from Scripture and he makes the case well enough using the sports analogy.  However, the sample conversation ones partner should have if one fails to stay “sober” during the week, kind of pisses me off.  That part makes it seem as if I would be getting someone to hold my hand like I am a little girl. (no offense to little girls)  It sounds anything but “pushing” and “challenging”.  I have watched a lot of MMA and there is one thing I find when it comes to their training, those guys do not take it easy on each other in training.  I am sure it is true in any sports training.  The idea is to make it as painful and grueling as possible in training to be prepared for anything in the real fight, game, or whatever the case may be.  People that train well, find the actual event easy in comparison.  So if I am going to take it easy on myself and allow myself this sin or that one, the last thing I need is some mamsy pamsy dude that will also take it easy on me.  What happened to all that “pushing” and “getting in your face”, and “yelling” that he talked about earlier in the chapter, using the analogy of working out?  Confession should never become painless.  What good does it do if it is?  “The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”  It is painful because our brothers in the faith are going to require something of us; something that we obviously didn’t require of ourselves if we find ourselves needing to repent of a known sin again.  They are going to hold our face up to the mirror and demand we actually take a look even when we would rather refuse.  The opponents of your faith are not going to take it easy on you when they discover what a hypocrite you actually are.  If we want to live in the Spirit there is a mortification process our “body” must undergo.  The reason I submit myself to such a process is as the Apostle Paul says,

For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.  Romans 8:18 (KJV)

The Game Plan by Joe Dallas
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

It is not a bad book.

(view spoiler)[On day nine it talks about setting up an “accountability structure”. Obviously the principle is clear from Scripture and he makes the case well enough using the sports analogy. However, the sample conversation ones partner should have if one fails to stay “sober” during the week, kind of pisses me off. That part makes it seem as if I would be getting someone to hold my hand like I am a little girl. (no offense to little girls) It sounds anything but “pushing” and “challenging”. What happened to all that “pushing” and “getting in your face”, and “yelling” that he talked about earlier in the chapter, using the analogy of working out? Confession should never become painless. What good does it do if it is? (hide spoiler)]

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“Hey Don’t You Know You Offended Those Guys?” (and the Syrophenician Woman)

Being Right Doesn't Always Mean You're Right — Cry of the Indigo Bunting: Finding God in the Everyday :
This sermon was preached on Sunday, September 9th, 2012 at St. Paul's Episcopal Church, DeKalb, Illinois.  The text was Mark 7:24-37 . ..

I read this sermon, about a week before Christmas, on Jesus encountering this Syrophenician Woman, as recorded in Mark's Gospel.  Although, Mark does focus on Jesus’ humanity, highlighting him as the ultimate servant, I am not convinced the conclusion drawn in this sermon is the reason Mark included this story.  By “conclusion” I mean the “big idea” of the passage, not the application of that idea.  Is it true that the “big idea” in this passage is that Jesus was wrong by what he said to the Syrophenician woman, regarding his primary mission?

But Jesus said unto her, "Let the children first be filled: for it is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it unto the dogs." Mark 7:27 (KJV)

According to this article Jesus, the Syrophoenician Woman, and Little Dogs, one reason Jesus' comment is not as unkind as it first seems is because the words in Greek indicate a “little pet dog” which would have been cared for, as opposed to a mangy uncared for dog. 

A three year old mixed breed Border Collie.

A feral street dog photographed on the main road of the city of Gianyar, Bali, Indonesia.

That may well be, or this may be a bit of a cop-out (I don’t speak Greek), but either way I am not so quick to presume Jesus was wrong.  I have thought about this for weeks.  Neither Mark nor Matthew, who also recorded this encounter (Matthew 15:27), indicate that Jesus was wrong.  Interesting enough, just prior to this story in Matthew’s account, Jesus quotes Isaiah, calling the Pharisees hypocrites, “honoring God with their lips but their hearts are from him.”  It is “what comes out of a man which defiles him.”  Jesus’ disciples come up to Jesus and basically say, “Hey don’t you know you offended those guys?”  It was of no concern to Jesus (outwardly).  “What God has not planted will be rooted up.” (Matthew 15:12-14)    Furthermore, Matthew not only indicates that the disciples were present during this encounter with the Syrophoenician woman, he also further highlights that Jesus told them the primary purpose for his proverbial statement. (15:24)  As this "little dogs" article points out, Jesus was consistent about being sent to the “lost sheep of Israel” first.  (“Lost sheep” could be construed as less then flattering as well)

Nevertheless, it seems to be a fallacy to assume because a statement is “not nice” it is not “Christ-like”.  This presupposes that being “Christ-like” is equivalent to being nice according to ones own understanding.  Of course love is “patient and kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4-6) but it doesn’t necessarily “make nice” according to the way those that don’t have the mind of Christ “make nice”.  For it “rejoices not in iniquity but rejoices in the truth".  And the truth hurts sometimes.  Those of us that don’t have the mind of Christ on a matter, would rather compromise the truth in order to “make nice”.  Christ Jesus never did this.

Even John the baptist called the people that came out to be baptised by him a “brood of Vipers”. (e.g. Luke 3:7)  John of course was highly praised by Jesus (Matthew 11:9-12)

There are many examples where Christ seemed impatient and his comments could be construed as unkind.  Examples such as calling very religious men “whitewashed tombs”. (e.g. Matthew 23:27-28)  Or saying to his good friend Peter, “Get behind me Satan”. (e.g. Mark 8:33)  Peter surely didn’t mean to talk for Satan, perhaps he thought he was showing concern for Jesus’ well being.  Notwithstanding, it was Satan who told Jesus he could have the world without going to the cross.(Matthew 4:8-9)

When one takes the story of how Jesus responded to offending the Pharisees and the story of how he supposedly offended the Syrophoenician woman, coupled together it highlights the contrasting ways God is approached or blessings ascertained.  Just as in the parable (Luke 18:9-13), the religious way says, “we are not like these other men, we wash our hands and bowels before we eat”, and the sinner that admits their low condition and simply asks for mercy, “let me have a crumb that falls off the table”.  “For everyone that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.”

How do you suppose Jesus would have responded if instead of saying, “truth Lord”, she took offense at his saying?