Isaiah 55:8 (KJV)

Isaiah 55:8 (KJV)
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD."

Saturday, September 13, 2014

“IT’S NO BIG DEAL!” (How to Comfort Part 3)

A Christian college student meets a fellow student that is obviously in some sort of distress and wanting to talk about it.  In the course of being willing to lend an ear and provide comfort, she discovers the reason this girl is upset is because her boyfriend is, as she says, “being a jerk to me, just because I had a one night stand”.  Obviously not everyone agrees that a one night stand is “no big deal” as is implicit by such a protestation.  In trying to care, the Christian was put in the awkward situation of trying to comfort someone she disagrees with.  In order to comfort, if she says nothing about her own views of one night stands, she is automatically forced into a situation of having to agree with her.  If she states her own belief she runs the risk of being thought judgmental.  She could be very judgmental but disagreement does not prove this is the case.  The anguish this young woman was feeling was real regardless of whether or not she deserved the anguish because she brought it on her self.  How do you help someone in such a situation?  Of course there is not a simple answer for every case but I suggested perhaps it might be tactful to simply ask for permission to speak ones own mind.  If permission was granted she could say, “I believe your boyfriend has every right to be upset.  A one night stand with someone else clearly was a serious breach in your relationship.  Of course I am a Christian so I believe sex is part of a sacred union to be enjoyed within marriage.  Now is an excellent time to repent.”  Comforting?  Loving?  Offensive?  Is this the only way to go about it?  She could possibly ask penetrating questions, “Why do you believe a one night stand is no big deal?”  “Why shouldn’t your boyfriend be upset?”  “How do you feel when someone betrays your trust?”

In the course of trying to comfort someone, have you ever been put in the position of being expected to agree with something you fundamentally disagree with?  How did you handle it?  How should you have handled it (if you wish you handled it differently)?